This time I knew the title right off.

Sheila and I cancelled our trip to Maryland and DC because spending money gives me stress – stress that puts stress on my health.

Last Thursday this lady smashed my car. I believe I was in the absolute right, while Mass being a fault state compared to MN being a no-fault state, the situation is topsy-turvy to me.

Back to basics, because of the peculiarity of the situation and not having the answers. Will we have to pay the deductible? And since we don’t have car rental on our policy – my decision, because we live close to work and if it was any other week of the year we wouldn’t need a rental – would we get reimbursement if we rented a car for your trip? It is the wrong week; wrong time. Or because everything happens for a reason; maybe we don’t know what the reason is – yet?

I opted for a stay-vacation. I am just happy I don’t have to work; that separation, that breather, is a vacation enough. Am I disappointed? Yes; but again, I am happy not to work and just check-out for a week.

Financial stress is the governing stressor in my life. Has been for years. My goal going to radiology school was to make enough not to worry. This economy flipped us on our head; first being Sheila’s loss of her job in 2009, then my cut-backs at work, and the uncertainty of employment everywhere creates a distress that takes from the energy I need to keep me well.

Are we better than we once were? Yes. Sheila is doing well at real estate and working at Pottery Barn, and then I am working my two jobs. We cut – more liked slashed – our spending; shuffled, moved, had a few, more than few discussions about our finances, which is terribly old mind you. I think we are finally stabilizing. While in this economy, I still cross my fingers.

If I was still single, I would probably still live in a one bedroom apartment, maybe a condo, and stash all my money away until I had $100,000 at least in the bank. To me, not worrying about money is everything – because not worrying gives me life and wellness. This financial crash was not in the plan -but thank goodness that I saved as I am a saver. That money became our parachute. Money sliding through my fingers is all too familiar, and just seeing large numbers is routine.

I always try to prepare myself for the worst, and pray for the best – especially with my health.

If I lost my health insurance, these numbers immediately begin to calculate in my head: A 3-month supply of enzymes is over $8,000; a one-month supply of oral Tobi, the antibiotic that I needed so terribly, is over $4000. Singular – $1200+/year, erythromycin – $400+/year. Vitamin K – is apparently a vitamin the insurances fight not to pay – didn’t know it was such a high commodity. The other drugs are onward and upward that make my yearly total roughly $36,000-38,000/year without one step into a doctor’s office. And this year is much different than others.

Massachusetts does have Masshealth; unsure of the specifics and the true quality of healthcare it provides.

Ever since I became independent from my parents I have been harassed from insurance companies. And I remember my parents had their battles with their insurance company too. I had an insurance company threatened to take me to court when I was 18 years old. I remember exactly where I was and how I felt – like I was being hammered and I jus started to cry. This was the first time of many since then. Then a slow rumbling underneath and I said “Fuck You”, and that has been “me” ever since then. If you want to F with me, you are going to have to F with a lot.

Nothing in life has been compared to that first 2-3 years on my own. I remember taking my piggy bank to get cash for gas for my car for that week. I ate a lot of potatoes, and other carbohydrates, understandably I started to have sugar problems right around that time.

During the first year of independence I worked 20-30 hours a week at $7.75/hour; went to college first full-time then downgraded to part-time during my senior year of high school; had multiple car problems; barely making it through that year. But, I did. And how I remember the cold that year with my car freezing, a dead battery, and getting a freezer burn – Ouch! – trying to put the key into the ignition – just a frozen tundra. After a year of working, my wage went up to over $9/hour which was better. Once I graduated I could work full-time, better yet. And I got a newer, but still used car that was much better than the depilated car I drove.

Things were getting better, but not great; one situation at a time. I kept cranking, kept pounding until the weight of the world finally gave me some reprieve. First finding better jobs, then moving to Minneapolis, and then meeting some amazing friends. While always having Deb in my life since I was 8 years old, I met Jeffrey, Jessica, Nate, Sarah, and Skip whom all saved my ass a hundred times over; in alphabetical order, no less important. Then soon after I met my friend Kristen, who was my supervisor at that time and turned into one of the most courageous people I have ever met. And then of course, Sheila soon after. They ALL became my OTHER parachute.

Those beginning years were the damnedest, hardest years of my life. It was MY Great Depression. I fought back; I kept knocking – on Friday afternoons especially. I did not give up by writing, calling, and appearing on whomever’s doorsteps until the problems were fixed. To be clear, I was not the problem; their lack of knowledge of their positions were the problem. I will not pay for others’ mistakes, and if it happens by a small chance – the pendulum swings – always.

I want to make a note here: during that first year, after speaking to the right individuals, I was able to go on the state health program, because I made so little and my health costs were SO much. People give a lot of slack to state health coverage – I never had ONE problem getting a medication, service, of any sort. It wasn’t until the politicians sliced one of my programs – Tim Pawlenty specifically. When the program dropped it was in June 2003; 3 months until I graduated school, too soon for open enrollment at my current employer, if I worked enough hours to get it, or afford it, and I was in a program that didn’t provide students with health coverage. I just had to coast through, miss an appt and cough up blood because of it. A total of $1,000 was taken from my tiny-bitty income at that time – assholes – because I had cystic fibrosis, and I coughed up blood because of all of this! And when I started employer-based health insurance coverage, the battles seriously began. I am a “loss” to the insurance companies, this is why health insurance as a business model is wrong and having the right to quality health care is a human right. Always being on my own, without the state programs I am unsure how I would have done it.

So, back to the basics – save; keep on saving, until that parachute is complete.

Saving money, low stress, is my kind of vacation in whatever form.