I haven’t written in a little bit mostly because it didn’t feel right to do so.

I wanted to give some time and space for the passing of my dog, Vixen. I felt as if I started writing, it is like writing over a time and space that is meant to hold for grief, or sadness, or acknowledging that this little being meant an awful lot.

She was older, 13 or 14, a rescue. She came from a place where she wasn’t treated well. At some point during the seven years of having her, one of a few indications she wasn’t is the vet noticed she had permanent damage to her optic nerve; she tended to lean a little bit to the right, and she stiffened greatly anytime you put your hands around her head or neck. So much so, we switched the overhead harness to a step through to avoid causing her stress.

There was a series of events that lead to her passing, but mostly I think she was having TIAs and then I think a fairly major stroke. She was having the hardest time opening her mouth. She wanted to, she seemed hungry and wanted to eat. Instead of opening her mouth, she would put her face right into her food and push it around, smooshing the food with her nose, but rarely opening her mouth.  She did a lot of face surfing with milk and water. Her little face dripped with milk but not much going in. It was taking two hours to feed her the last few days. Trying everything, to puree chicken and rice to breaking up chicken into tiny pieces. She just wasn’t eating enough to sustain.

Her balance was terrible and her legs fell underneath her. She had fallen at least a 100 times, unable to count over the last year or so. They said maybe dementia, a tumor, a small herniation. The signal from her brain to her back right leg was slow to respond and her balance would be thrown off. She would shake and twirl like a tornado across the floor and fall sometimes smacking her head. Later, I would find scrapes and cuts from random falls and banging into things. She wore a harness with a handle to help guide and hold her up; her legs would ultimately fall underneath her.

But, then she would rally. At times she would run around and hop and leap around the yard and then ram into the fence, trying to catch her before she did was not always possible. Over time, her spurts of strength and ability would become less.

One could say she died of old age. I think there was other things going on. I am sure some of her younger experiences attributed to her older ones.

I would say to her, “What a strong and beautiful girl. You have endured so much and you found your way.” I just kept repeating what a strong and beautiful girl she is/was. I wanted her to feel the strength and the love we had for her and that we were so happy that she found a home. We just took turns holding her for hours.

Now that she is gone, one of my boys, Ben, has looked around for her. Chester, he always knows things. I can hear her, her taps, her bouncing energy still. I can see her pretty face. Anyone who has lost an animal knows that when you come through the door and that being isn’t there to greet you – it is heartbreaking. The space in which they held is always there.

During this time – I have been in school and working hard on some projects. I created a website this last week and half. I mean sort of, using the platforms available. That takes a lot of time, but will be a central hub for important studies in the future. This is a “good start.” It has many possibilities as I go ahead.

The main stipulations for this assignment was a social issue that is relevant an ever-changing; one does not need a login to access it, assemble relevant information from credible resources, could have many contributors, and a couple other stipulations.

The login, that one took a minute to think about. It had to be a website and nothing related to social media. You could link social platforms but didn’t have to have account to access it.

I have also been creating these funny videos. Recently, I listened to a podcast and how to regenerate energy it is important to play. And adults think we shouldn’t or can’t. Honestly, have fun. Play. So, I have been playing with these videos.

First, they were for class – a step into animation and then just to catch a person’s eye, and have fun.

During these last couple of weeks working in these ideas, a storm blew through while trying to create this website; I then lost power for hours a couple evenings in which I lost valuable time. Then the hot water heater finally kicked the can. That was coming.

A reminder, again for me, it is important to play and have fun. Creating is fun, playing is fun – and somehow over the course of time and thinking, and talking, and curating with others, these projects in the matter is to make life better.

Some of these ideas and projects I have had the opportunity to collaborate with these smart and interesting fun folks, and some of these projects will be like pushing a barrel down the street. I believe even in the harder earned ones, over time they will find their way too.

Here is the website that I was working on. A similar layout you will see. Lol. It was easier. www.farreaching2020.wordpress.com

A fun video – which I made while the lights went out again.

And sweet, sweet Vixen may you always be loved.

Onward and upward and much love during this time of great uncertainty.

To note, I often write these posts and just post them. I then go back if I think of something and look for things that may need edits later. Sometimes you may see changes because I changed them.

A quote that I came across, and take up the whole read if you can. It is worth it.

One thing life has taught me: if you are interested, you never have to look for new interests. They come to you. They will gravitate as automatically as the needle to the north. Somehow, it is unnecessary, in any cold-blooded sense, to sit down and put your head in your hands and plan them. All you need to do is to be curious, receptive, eager for experience. And there’s one strange thing: when you are genuinely interested in one thing, it will always lead to something else. – Eleanor Roosevelt (E.R.) in You Learn by Living