There is a lot of luck in this game.
There is a lot of will in this game.

I was derailed recently, very recently. Prednisone is a doozy. It hiked my white blood count to 22K, and that is after a week of getting better and feeling better. Normal range 5-10k. We had to bomb it with another round of oral antibiotics, increasing the dose as well. It brought it down and it worked.

My MN doc played the odds. I have three reoccurring bugs; two of which have good oral or nebulizer antibiotic options. The third is treated most effectively with IVs. My doc hoped with some luck that if we take out the two as much as we can, it will bring down the third as well, or at least enough where the body can take over and recover. It worked and I am thankful. I didn’t have to be thrown in the clinker this time. If I had to, I would have.

The body is amazing. I don’t understand it half the time.

There is science and there is will.

I know there are intentions. I know there is focus. I know that if you focus on the good words and the goodness in life, the good words and goodness will appear.

As I literally spend 24-hours a day focusing on willing myself to be healthy physically with the treatments and the drugs, and then thinking positively mentally.

Then, it is interesting, there is this core-like feeling that wants to be alive. I want to be here. I want to create and perhaps write something of worth one day.

I want to see and do many more things. I don’t know if I will be able to do some of these things, but I am going to try. I am going to try and will myself to do these things and to be there.

The thing is no matter by choice or not, I hear about other CFers. I hear good stories, but often times I hear more of their struggles and the really sad stories. It is Okay, it is just that they are often much younger than I and that makes it much harder.

So all of what life is and offers – the imperfections and celebrations that go click, click, click, and click over to the next day, week, month and year – I will continue to do my best.

There is a lot of luck in this game.
There is a lot of will in this game.