One of the hardest things about writing your story is believing in your story.

And believing a thousand times through.

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Let me tell you something, I had one of the most remarkable days the other day. Perhaps I won’t ever have that day again – but honestly, I think I will.

I learned a new technique while doing my pulmonary function test (PFT). Kristin, the respiratory tech, helped me do this PFT differently than other PFTs I have done.

The old technique is two normal breaths followed by a deep, deep, deep breath. Some people do one deep breath, and some step their breaths, then blow out hard and fast. Deep inhale, and see the stars. Always see the stars.

The problem is that over the years, the hard and fast has damaged my trachea. It narrows and collapses when I am trying to get the air out hard. The monitor flatlines, which means no air or a very fine amount of air. This only happens when I do this test.

Over the last few years, I have been trying to push my breath from my core using my diaphragm, giving it everything I have. I am still using my neck and trachea, but I am trying to push from behind using my core.

This is where I feel PFTs are an inaccurate measure of lung capacity. They are too physiologically dependent on daily energy levels, morning vs. afternoon tests (varies 2-4% for some people), and other problematic issues like pain or discomfort will register a lower lung capacity percentage.

I explained my trachea issues to Kristin in case she saw the line flatten. Okay, I am up. Here we go. And let me tell you, I literally had zero want to do this test. I was like a kid being told no chocolate cake and pouting. I just did not want to do it. But oh well.

This time, Kristin instructed the usual:

Two normal breaths.

Deep, deep inhale.

Push and then ease back.

Ease, ease back.

I am pushing hard and yet easing back, using my diaphragm to push the air forward and trying not to collapse my trachea. I am keeping the muscles around my trachea more open and less restricted, thereby keeping my trachea open—or at least I hope and think so.

First try: same as last time.

Do it again.

Second try: Better than last.

Kristin says, “Higher than last. Now, do the exact same thing. Good job.”

Third try: better than the one before, and this time, the air kept going. PFTs are typically measured in the first six seconds, but the machine detected more air going and going and going. That’s when you start to see stars, but this time, I didn’t.

Go again.

Fourth: better than the third.

I usually peak at the third, but let’s go. Kristin asked, and I said, “Yes.”

Fifth: better than the fourth – which is unheard of for me. I’m getting down the easing, easing back.

Sixth – best yet!!

I was done. Exhausted. Kristin is stunned and gives me a high five. If you can believe that.

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My numbers—even though it isn’t all about the numbers, unfortunately, we still know it is about the numbers—was a number that I haven’t seen since 2013/2014.

Ten years!!

Ten Years!!!

*

I never thought I would see those numbers again.

I have been feeling good. I have had less shortness of breath during exercise. I have been pushing myself as I always do, even with my knee. I have been doing other exercises to push my lungs.

Trikafta gave me the original boost and has kept me stable.

This increase was due to me, my exercise, and Kristin’s new technique. Instead of pushing, push, push, I push, then ease, ease, and ease.

*

Will I be able to repeat what I did two days ago? I do not know.

However, I believe I can.

I believe I could see numbers twelve or fourteen years ago.

I have always believed in working hard and never giving up.

I believe and feel I can do more, and I can do better.

I believe I can hit the faster and higher inclines on my treadmill without shortness of breath or at least minor shortness of breath.

I believe I can push my body to its max and beyond this illusionary max.

I believe in my ability.

I believe in my story.

And I will keep believing – no matter.