A couple people have asked me why I started this blog, since I sent out requests to follow me.

Simply, I never ever really talked about my health most of my life. At least I don’t think I have – people who have been around me my whole life, correct me if I am wrong.

I guess when I started to get sick last year, I knew that there were people who cared about me, and perhaps would want to know what was going on, but I just couldn’t and sometimes still can’t speak about it well; at least until the introduction is done and over. I am better starting mid-sentence, mid-understanding, and not at the beginning.

I can start mid-sentence and then go back to the beginning; but the beginning – so hard to find the words. I don’t know if you have noticed that in my writing. It is partially the way I have been taught but also makes the most sense to me. I think people feel more inclusive and not exclusive – makes sense?

Then, there is the part that many people don’t know what questions to ask; how to ask them; IF they can ask them. It is a lot how we learn, right? We have questions, but can’t phrase them or put them into a critical thinking sentence – at times.

So I decided to supply the guts of the sentence, and go from there. I think this blog has done some good things.

Trauma: that is how I think of health insurances. I say that, because I would never, ever want to re-live any incident I have had with an insurance company and have gained a good chunk of gray hair, I think, from them.

Wednesday September 26, 2012; 12:00pm:

Sheila calls me and says that Chad (her new manager) misunderstood what HR said to him, and unfortunately the health benefits won’t begin until November 1st. He truly thought that when HR said “the 1st” it was October and not November.

Roll-back:
Thursday September 20, 2012: Sheila got the confirmation from Chad that we were all set starting October for benefits, the day before the deadline to submit for Mass Health.

Roll-back 3-weeks: I had done the leg work during the first week of September. I had researched and found a health insurance through Mass Health that would work for me. All I had to do is hit submit and give them my credit card number for $413/month. Not cheap, but better than having nothing.

I decided to hold-on until I knew exactly when Sheila’s benefits would start. Sheila and Chad had been in communication about the job specifically and then about benefits, HR, etc. There were delays, as HR always has delays.

The choices at hand:

BIDMC’S full COBRA payment would be just shy $800 beginning October 1st.

Mass Health: $413/month.

Sheila’s new job; for the both of us about $300/month; many employers pay 2/3 of the full monthly premium.

Obviously Sheila’s job would be the most cost effective, then Mass Health, and then the dreaded “I want you to hand over your leg, arm, sweat” – COBRA payment. The fudge factor of a few days was going to cost me close to $400, $500, really $800 . . . depending upon how you look at it.

Wednesday September 26, 2012; approximately 12:20: The representative at Mass Health said that the papers had been sent off to the insurance companies last week Friday, September 21, 2012 as they needed a full five business days to process the requests. Therefore, I could not begin October 1st but I could for November 1st.

End result, $800 for COBRA.

This could have been avoided. I almost hit the submit button for Mass Health, but I wanted to hold-off, wait and see, save some money and not insurance jump since there are always delays on that end.

I call Sheila, extraordinarily frustrated. Angry beyond . . .

After getting off the phone I text her shortly after: “I did everything I was supposed to do – thank you very much. I know how these programs work and now I am fucked.”

“I’m so angry and I’m so upset I can’t even take it. I don’t want to talk, I don’t want anything.”

This is where I shut down and am never proud of myself. I just literally can’t take it. I can’t process; I can’t connect thoughts; I can’t communicate, literally. I am so angry I am crying, and I can’t stand the fact that I am crying because I am so angry.

The money won’t kill me – but no one in my place in life should have to pay that much money for health insurance. IT IS SO WRONG in so many ways – and that is the reality with the health insurance. Not just today, but for so many years.

Sheila texts, “Keep all the money from the weekend (her jewelry weekend) please. Soooooooo sorry!!!!”

I feel like crap in so many ways, an ass.

She said she will make Chad make up for it somehow.

In the middle of this, since I am not answering Sheila – staring off into space – our dear friend Edward calls. Sheila had texted him, telling him to call me, since I was not answering. He is family and talks me through it. I start to cry again because I am so angry. During our conversation I get a text from Sheila.

Wednesday September 26, 2012; 2:00pm: Sheila forwards texts from Chad to me: “Don’t pay just yet. Just hold on to see what I can do. It’s my fault and I’m very sorry. I thought it was sure but misunderstood the 1st of the month. Give me a few minutes. I’m very very sorry that I did this to you.

I am talking to HR now to see what I’m able to do about this. And I will pay the $800 regardless so don’t stress okay. Just relax. It will be okay. I will take care of it.”

2:35pm, Chad: “It’s okay. Lovesac is going to take care of it. You are all set for coverage. I’m so sorry, again, but no worries.”

I text back, “In shock, literally in shock.” The sweat and anxiety start to dissipate. The tears on my face are half old, and a headache that couldn’t be matched.

Ed asks, “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah . . . I can’t believe it.”

I can’t encompass the kindness, the gift, how much I am thankful for Chad’s kindness; his willingness to speak to HR and do something REAL – not just say it.

I am thankful for our Edward.

Still in shock.

Chad called Sheila on top of it and said he was so sorry and that he owes us dinner.

I owed Sheila and apology. She almost cried at the store, knowing how much this weight is, this pressure. I felt bad for texting her that way. She forgave me. She said, she was so sorry for the mix-up.

As of today we have our insurance card number, but not the pharmacy card number. The health package should arrive this week.

And I need to order some medications this week. Plus, I am contemplating on doing another round of Tobi – which costs $4,000 – this is always a crinkle to the insurance companies. It SHOULD cover it, but until I receive it, I never believe it.

I have 3 out of the 4 weeks of Tobi in my fridge, but I am afraid to even start because I can’t miss a dose. If there is glitch, a problem could arise. The 3-weeks is from another previous insurance incident where Sheila met one of my nurses (whom happened to have extra on hand from a patient that couldn’t take it) at a T station after hours because I needed it that day. Note to self: I need to get like another full-month in my fridge just to cover all bases.

Sheila and I believe that it might be wise to be combat the bugs in the air proactively instead of retroactively. I am really 85 plus percent recovered from that drug issue, but I would like to hear a clear smack on the baseball bat and hit it out of the park – you know?