Having high expectations is difficult; I believe I was born this way.

My physician told my mom and dad at one point in time, when I was quite young – not too long after my diagnosis “You have to be perfect like God – and even then Tessa may not live” regarding my treatments, medicines, everything.

Imagine taking that on . . .

That was to be the standard, to an extent of course. Nonetheless the discipline, the expectation was set in place.

On that note, the holidays are here – everywhere. This is not a time of sadness for me, even though not speaking to my parents would almost seem to be so. But, instead, I look around and feel the love from so many different places in my life. I have a family – Sheila, our dogs, my brother, Sheila’s brothers, my friends that stretch close and far, while their presence is always felt no matter what the distance. Knowing if it came down to it, they would give me their left arm.

This is where expectations come in again. I have high expectations for myself, and I have high expectations for my friends.

It is easy to say “have low expectations”, but it does not make it easy to live. I can’t do this. Never could. Which in some ways it may have made my life harder, but being run over by every idiot that walks by isn’t an easy life either, right?

I would like for people to rise and take note on what needs to be done, and then hopefully do just that.

This then brings me to my parents: Would I generally like to have a relationship with them – yes. But, I won’t accept less than honesty, acceptance, and kindness. Concluding, I am truly blessed, because I found have found many people who do just that. It took time tearing up and down a few mountains to find strong, dead on individuals – but I have.

I never give up on others, though – because I can never give up on myself. I have always believed – for good or bad – that someday you just never know. You don’t hold on to dear life that maybe someday . . . but you do leave the door open. Maybe my parents will send me a letter and genuinely say they are sorry. The type of sorry that reflects their actions, not the sorry that is said so often just to get by.

And to say, just because there are riffs at times, it doesn’t mean I love an individual less. In fact, in those times of uncertainty, I love more and sometimes hurt more too – this includes myself.

Minutes after I was born I was rushed to Children’s Hospital, downtown Minneapolis, MN where I spent the first 12 days of my life in the hospital and many days thereafter. I never gave up. My little body muttered through knowing that I had to because there was no other choice – just like expecting less is not a choice.

Finally, no matter what – love the one you are with, in each storm and each breaking, and never, ever give up.