You know what the best thing in the world is – sleep.

I am thankful for so many things. I will say, I am not thankful for everything, but I am trying.

I am so thankful for physical relief.

I am so thankful for not feeling nauseous from lack of sleep.

I also extremely thankful for my beautiful new bedroom I painted and redecorated. It kind of has a spa feeling to it. I painted three walls a nice light gray and then the wall behind my bed a darker grey.

My comforter is one side a darker blue and the other a darker gray. I got a couple paintings with ocean colors.

I got a couple gray pillows, couple orange, and couple big silver plush ones. Then, I bought this small children’s comfy chair. I fit into children’s chairs often times better than adult chairs, and it was so adorable that I could not pass it up.

While I was painting, going up and down on the ladder, and making a mess – although less of a mess than last time, I have been thinking.

I know people can say whatever they want, but I am not stupid. I am 40. I am extremely aware of my mortality. I have been extremely aware of mortality all my life, almost too much so. I seem to remember when I turned 10 years old it was a very big deal.

I will not, however, put a limit on exactly how many good years I have left.

I want to make a point – I am not planning for death.
It is like planning for retirement, but instead I am planning for life.

Put forth all that – each year is a big deal.
I haven’t been in the hospital in almost 3 years. But, it isn’t the hospital I should be afraid of or mark so much as an indicator how I am doing or how I am not doing – it is my lung function. I need or I really want to keep the same lung function for the next 10 years.

How am I going to do that? I have no fucking idea.
What do I need?

Strength.
Endurance.
Stamina.

What sometimes works is that I visualize something I want to do before I do it. Now, sometimes it isn’t realistic but I would rather visualize being limitless rather than limiting.

Let’s make this practical.

Over the next 10 years I need to make a list of all the places I want to visit, and plan on doing that. That means opening up my calendar, booking trips, pay for them in advance, and do it.

I also need to write daily. Sometimes I need to shake off excess energy before I can write. It happens. I can’t help it.

Bringing it down to earth further, I have to look at the daily. I always have to be dedicated to my treatments. I have to do my treadmill or the equivalent daily. I have not done my treadmill the last couple days, I admit that. I have done it every day minus maybe two days since July though.

I will admit it is pretty bad, but I was painting and moving and lifting. My body was beat. Was it the equivalent? Probably not. Did I work – yes.

I will do my treadmill later, I promise.

So what I am doing is I am planning for life.
I want my lung function to remain stable.
This is all I got.

I will do my best.