I have not written in a while because I wanted to see how I am doing, testing the ground, before I wrote about it.

Just had another follow-up appointment with my doctor – went great. This is the first time in all my life that I didn’t even look at my PFT scores. They said they went up a little, which is all I care about. I will look up them soon, but amazing that I centered myself and just let whatever be, be. This is not easy when it comes to your health, your life.

I am still 12-15% down since 2011 – I just have to turn the other way and be happy that I can jump on my treadmill and do the interval training with very little effort, effort enough, but so much easier than before. I have given myself an out when doing the interval training. Meaning- I don’t have to, and if I do great. I don’t want that to prevent me from doing the treadmill, aerobic exercise, as it is vital for life. So – I go on as if I have no intention of doing it and then I suddenly bang it out.

The true test on how I am doing is how my energy level is day-in and day-out. How much sleep or how little sleep can I go on and still do everything and maybe more I need to do. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sleep and get it, but one night I went out for my friend’s birthday and went to bed after 1am, got up no later than 5:45, and worked an eight hour day – and I did great.

This is health. This is freedom.

I never miss a treatment. I never miss a medication. I do cardio 3 times a week, yoga usually once, weights, P90X work-outs, alike 2-3 times a week or a combination of whatever to get the job done. As my doc says, “You are spot on.”

I gained 5 pounds in 6-7 weeks. I have been having a good time eating and now I need to cut back, more like exchange food selections.

My lungs feel great – I am so thankful.

There is a little discussion, difference of opinion my doctor and I had about doing my one-month on antibiotic one-month off and one-month on again continuously year around as many CFers do this. I don’t see the need unless I start to get junky, more than my baseline. But, studies have shown that things happen inside that sometimes we (humans) can’t detect, feel. So taking the antibiotics is a constant preventative. The problem is – the antibiotic takes time, it seems unnecessary, I build-up resistance overtime, and just being on high-dose antibiotics too much isn’t good for the body as a whole, and my stubbornness is just that. He, of course, looks at my age and the bigger, grandiose picture of CF and me.

I say 4 times a year. Maybe I can bargain with him?

Sometimes I just want to punch CF in the face because it is a constant resistance, challenge, unknown, seeking to know but not wanting to know too much – while I am engaging with it every moment.

I know it is my teacher but the same old voice taps continuously – saying “I am over here.”

At least I am well enough, strong enough, or at least my spirit seems to be. I am thankful for everything. Out with the bad, in with the good; keep the energy moving, the light shining, and never let it dull.

Never let it mute.

Keep it lit.

Keep it lit.