Update: The Sun is shining! So much so I am squinting as I am typing. The theme carries on.

I am coughing ten times less than I was even a week ago. Yoga is stretching my spine upward.

I woke up this morning coughing semi-violently, or at least until tears were streaming down my face from the force. I coughed for about 15 minutes and decided, what the hell, might as well get up and do a treatment since it seemed what my lungs wanted. I did a full, complete, treatment with Tobi and hypertonic saline from 6:15-6:45 am. I didn’t even put my contacts in, aiming to go back to bed. Then I was like, it is almost 7 am. I went back to bed anyway. Slept soundly until 8:30 am. I didn’t want to get up, so laid there longer.

I decided not to get sucked into Ellen, and after taking the doggies around the block I ate a little cereal and did Yoga. I got this video Yoga for when I can’t get to classes, don’t want to, onwards and upwards. It has 22 different programs. I did well for the first go around.

Now, I want ice cream. I have been wanting nothing but an ice cream cake from Dairy Queen, although I had this yummy Oreo coffee ice cream at JP Licks; that satisfied my craving. I never crave ice cream, but this last two weeks I want ice cream. Some sort of comfort thing I think.

Through this process of informing, letting people know where I am at, it has pushed me much more than ever before. Everyone needs a community; your community is supposed to be a safe place; that is what I am trying to convince my brain anyway. Where I can let go of my arrogance, over-confidence, I have apparently characterized in the book “You Say More Than You Think” by Janice Driver. Basically what the heck your body language says about you and how people read you; how much your body language is detached or assimilated with what you say.

What can you do, life isn’t easy. I believe I have to be over-confident, because who or what else is going to do all this work the CF needs. I have to believe I can do it, which translates into everyday life. I have to believe I can do whatever is placed in front of me. I am not arrogant to the point where I put down people, that is bullying, and I am no way a bully.

This informing people, letting people in, but yet reassuring them that I am ok, while reassuring myself isn’t easy stuff. It isn’t about not being safe around other people, it is about being safe inside myself. If I let go too much, will I crumble? Will I become mush? That is what it feels like sometimes.

Trying to listen to me as well as others, while exchanging thoughts, emotions, letting go of fear but hanging on just enough to transport you through the day. Tricky business. Is this what I really think?

Fear, that is what I need to tackle; re-evaluate again.