Right now, I feel as if I am passing the wave of frustration. I know good music is such a part of this, and has been my whole life. Find that rhythm and keep going. And I love yoga. The concentration, the moment of breathing, and striving to manipulate your body into poses with strong, lean- no shaking- stances. It is wonderful. I feel an addiction coming on.

On another note, I coughed up more green goop, then bright red blood the other night. I didn’t tell Sheila right away; not until the next day and then she gave me a very narrow stare.

When I was 25 years old I coughed up bright red blood for the first time. I highlight the “bright” red part because old tarry blood is bad. It is like a day-old murder on the pavement. “Bright” means new, fresh, which when it comes to this, that is what you want.

So when I coughed up blood up for the first time, I freaked-out a bit, understandably. I was running and I coughed with great force, and BAM! My eyes popped. My nurses said to me the next day, “Don’t freak out.” I said, “Too late.”

I didn’t actually freak out too badly. I continued exercising actually, for only another 5 minutes. I called my friend after 11 that night and went to her house. We decided that I wasn’t going to the ER, yet. I went to school the next day and asked to speak to my instructor for a minute, I was in radiology school at the time; and in her office I became a sobbing, incomprehensible mess. She said something to the effect, “Just go, do what you have to do.”

I walked over to my clinic, and called one of the nurses. She said it happens to many CF patients: “The inflammation, friction, irritation gets inside your alveoli, and when it is in that environment for a prolong amount of time, combined with a hard cough, the velocity and force expel the mucus and it can pop a blood vessel.” Great. It is like smacking a scabbed wound on your knee.

Over the years, my baseline has changed drastically regarding this issue. Today when I see blood, eyes pop out a little. Then, I think, “Good, no more green goop.” I hit the bottom of the alveoli; it is completely irrigated.

Question is, do I want to see blood? No. But, if I do, the green goop is gone on the plus side.

To mention, I have Vitamin K on hand all the time to clot the blood if indeed they choose to explode.

Life is so crazy.