I have so many things on my mind. I am going to try and focus.

Age. Getting old. I think I heard those words 3 times yesterday.

I have a really great team at my CF clinic. I am very fortunate; every day we are fortunate.

I had a slight dip in my lung function yesterday. I am pretty sure because I am starting a lung infection. I am not too concerned about it (although I am writing this blog about it); because it is January/February and it is so difficult to get through the winter months without getting one. This is routine, fairly. A routine lung infection that because I went into the clinic, did my PFT, that it was able to detect it. The last few days, starting to get a little junky, but it wasn’t clear. The weather does not help! It restricts my airways; it makes it hard to get stuff out.

Being proactive and what it can do for you.

I really want to drive this point home – your body never forgets. Everything adds up. Maybe not today, maybe you won’t ever see it, but inside it does.

If you need to stop smoking – do it.
If you need to lose weight – do it.
If you need to exercise more – do it.

Example:

Lungs have a surface area of a tennis court; a tennis court! Look how much room you have to play. Your body was made to be forgiving. A person usually can’t even tell deficiency until 40-50% of your lungs are damage. That is half the tennis court. Your body is THAT forgiving.

In this forgiveness, it can only forgive for so long unless you help it, meet it. Your body takes a huge burden by you not being able to commit. To commit to yourself, to your health, the ability of what your life could be. I cannot emphasize this enough.

I have all this room to play in and I need to play more.

Flashback 10 years: Dr. Warwick, my CF doctor in MN, would have had me do this a long time ago.

Dr. Sicilian, my doctor here, would like me to start on a trial basis doing Tobi (my inhaled antibiotic) every-other-month routinely. I am trying it for 6-months to see what happens.

Positives:
Tobi works great for me.
I would feel better, less crap; less energy given over to coughing and more to living.

Negative:
The chance at some point in my life I could build a resistance. The percentage is low, but there is always a possibility. But, I have been doing this drug for over 10 years; I have not every other month, but I have a lot.

Positive:
There are other drugs that fight pseudomonas aeruginosa (PA). This is huge! At one point there were not. The market is expanding.

Negative:
I could have side-effects to those drugs, but with more time, more options.

Positive:
This drug could always put me behind the 8-ball and really be proactive in not developing an exacerbation and prevent me from going in the hospital.

Negative:
I have to add 15-minutes to each treatment; 30-minutes/day – in a snap.

Sum: There are more positives than negatives. The positives weigh more than the negatives.

Again, Dr. Warwick back home probably would have started already. I have a feeling. The year I left I did Tobi 4-times that year. I was not behind the 8-ball, I was trying to catch up.

The thing about this is I was really trying not to get to this point. But – things shift. You adapt with the reality in place and move forward.

I am 35-years old. I cannot emphasize how old I am in the CF community, being at the level I am at; my abilities – but now a shift.

Side note: I am ordering a home PFT device. My nurse brought it up, since I mentioned it in an email I wrote; I didn’t have to. She gave me a prescription. They discussed it with me and they don’t see anything wrong with it as long as I know my PFT’s can fluctuate 10% in a week. If I do it every day it can go up and down, like when you weigh yourself, as if to point out – don’t drive myself crazy. This could be very good for me on several levels. It will be a more controlled study, detect when things are quite right sooner, faster, and maybe get a better gauge where I am truly at. Compare with their machine, etc. Less surprises! The sooner I get it the better with this PFT score, although I already started Tobi. It’s alright. F-U; I am getting revved up.

A friend asked me the other day, how do I do it? How do I do all this stuff I have to do? He is trying to get motivated in his life to change things for himself.

I finally got to the word – freedom.

Even though this work, and it is work, takes time, energy, and commitment, I would rather be my own, make my own decisions instead of a doctor telling me, directing me what to do in my life.

All that work adds years to your life – quality years. Not doing it takes years off of your life and leaves the existing ones with less quality. Either way it is work. But I would rather be on my watch than someone else’s as MUCH as I can. With each treatment, each work-out, it does add years onto my life and it does to yours.

You know how they say cigarettes are coffin nails; I am removing a nail one-by-one with each treatment.

With all this being said, I need to tighten my vision more. Focus in and really start living life more. I have been through some stress, and I have done my best. I really have done my best by conserving and doing as much as I can, and maybe Tobi will give me more energy or just less coughing.

I need to focus more on today. There is so much pressure about saving for retirement. My life is going to take a different direction. There is hope for some great developments, there is, but there is much work to do.

So, be as forgiving on yourself as your body is.

Forgive yourself for all the things you have difficulty.

Take the step and commit yourself to your life.

Be your own best friend.