Some people know this and some people do not know this – people who write are writing way before they actually sit down to write.

Writing is like this murmur in the background; the pot that touches the burner; the engagement of your feet on the track – for me a treadmill. Anything that is physical – I can almost guarantee words will start to form soon, sometimes immediately or like feet approaching the front door.

Tonight, I wasn’t even going to write anything. But, then I passed my writing room and I really need to sit and do some work. I have been working on my Thank you project in loops and cycles, and this morning I believe I have another idea to scaffold onto it. Nothing huge, simple. That happened when I was driving.

When you do sit down, the writing that you have been doing you hope finds itself across the page with – I would not say with ease . . . because ease and writing, that’s like Ethel wanting to be married to Maud in the 1950s. There are many drafts to this story.

And then there are many wanting’s, dreams and hopes, and losses as well. And a lot of writing crap.

Pause. Jump.

Did I ever tell you that CF women have a difficult time getting pregnant, and men are often sterile? I am not sure. I already wrote all those possibilities off the table eons ago – but many couples have to go through IVF.

I know that if I would have had children – ha! Mine would have had been special in more ways than one.

All my animals have had special needs in some way or another. Some common special needs and some not as common.

Vixen, my dog with doggy dementia really tests me. I mean I raised my voice at her tonight and I never raise my voice.

A common issue with doggy dementia is that you can let the dog out to go do their business as many times as you wish – tonight I did three times with two times around the yard each time, and then they (she) will come back in and pee on your rug. Then, my other dog decided to mark her pee. This is a really old rug, so it isn’t about the rug – it’s about the pee. I still have to wash the rug, of course.

I almost thought of putting her harness on and walking with her, but she doesn’t walk. This is a common issue as well. They aren’t interested in going for walks anymore. The last time I tried this when she wouldn’t pee I got her harness and picked her up and set her down in the grass and tried to walk. She stood. She did not move.

I picked her up again and set her down in another place. I tugged a little, she moved because I tugged, but then stopped again. I brought Ben out to coax her along. At last, I got her to move a little. She did a little and literally walked into a bush. Not the edgings of a bush – but into a bush.

This is not her first time mind you. I then walked into the bush and broke some branches because her legs were in and around branches. I picked her up and brought her back in with zero success.

I avoided all this tonight, and instead, she just peed on the rug.

Then, she walks in circles all over the kitchen because I am in the kitchen. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap . . . . . . . . . . . . tap, tap, tap, tap . . . . . oh my God, she is driving me nuts.

I raised my voice, or it’s more like a slow-growing roar, and picked her up and said, “Vixen, can you please sit still?” Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap  . . . . Sometimes I put a gate up because I can’t take it, but I was almost done cooking by that time. Phew.

Just to say – Vixen has a good life. She is a super sweet girl. She just doesn’t know where she is going much of the time.

I wanted to share this podcast I listened to the other day. It is on The Moth podcast. If you haven’t listened to The Moth, I highly recommend it. It is storytelling in all forms and fashion from people all over.

It is based in Massachusetts and you just never know what the story may be, which is why I kind of like it. I am not trying to listen to something to fit my mood. It molds itself into my mind without effort.

I am not going to say anything about it – just listen and enjoy. Tap on the link and then the yellow strip – you will see it.

https://player.themoth.org/#/?actionType=ADD_AND_PLAY&storyId=1964