I have this belief that you can write your life – what you put down becomes true.

We know this when we say things – so really not that different if you write it.

Because of this belief – I sometimes avoid saying or writing down those real numbers, to not give it weight.

Instead, I have to think of the numbers I want – what I am working toward.

I have gotten a lot of questions this week with some confusion in the mix. Without writing numbers I will say this –

Things move way too fast and I did not like that at all.

I dislike not being able to have a conversation very well, without pausing. Only speaking a few words at a time because my breathing.

I truly did not like being unable to walk down the hall without being sure of myself. Not being able to go downstairs to get a coffee. Thankfully – many people including a super nice respiratory tech brought me a latte three times and I asked a nursing aide if she could get me one as well.

The house coffee – very weak.

Some things I am learning –

Communication and communication circles, I should do better.

To try and be more clear. Yet – I don’t like to worry people.

I will say this time around, I give myself a break because of my breathing and such – I could not relay information very well to people.

And because I was feeling so unwell I said little. I texted little. When I texted – it was “I am in MN (or I am coming). I am sick. My infection is bad, I am not sure . . .” And when I texted back, sometimes a day or two later.

It was really about the moment.

Only four or five people knew in MN that I was coming, and I believe I didn’t text my brother until I was there a day.

And I didn’t tell my parents, btw. Stress that I didn’t need.

Sheila helped me out. She called and talked with a friend of mine and also texted another friend of mine.

I did text certain people knowing they would tell others – kind of like an umbrella-effect. You pop it up and open and the umbrellas’ rain droplets spring off the canopy.

What I learned done since, Sharing –

I have shared phone numbers with people in case that I may not be well – and they wish to be in the loop.

Saying, “Getting better every day. Each treatment, each day” helped. I focused on that. That’s it. Small steps.

Pause:

Thank you to everyone for every smile, words of encouragement, positive thought, a “Hey, hello, what the heck.” Coffee, food parcel, prayer, conversation, your positive selves, reason to keep sanity.

It is impossible to do these kinds of things by yourself.

Everyone lifts you up.

Best line through this whole thing, my friend Karen says, “Did they wake you up for your 4am Ambien?”

I think in a hospital setting where there is so much to outline, mark, and itemize – no matter how much you are trying to make sense of things, things still don’t make sense.

The kinetic energy is like popcorn kernels popping, flying landing where they may.

Karen brought me a sticker book, being the intuitive social worker she is – she knew putting words together was a grand task. Yay for stickers! See below.

You can write your life – what you put down becomes true.

For me, I am still focusing on the stars – many good things to come.

Much love.