Space to breathe (a draft)

Moments shift you

Wake you – to become more of you,

the you, you haven’t met,

yet, soon to be

—————————————————-

The force: my bottom lifts off

the seat, knees hit like a bell swings,

I sink, to the floor behind my friend

in the driver’s seat

—————————————————-

I look – green, evergreen rolled out –

Like a rolling carpet,

—————————————————-

Far ahead, not far enough,

I see a steel sign,

Two large legs, triangles – holding up

Staggering strength, the green sign above,

—————————————————-

Hit the break

————————————————

A foot shuffles; thump, thump –

lost, the bottom of her shoe lifts

up, and presses down, not

the brake but the floor

—————————————————-

Hit the break

—————————————————-

I can’t find it

—————————————————-

Thump, thump, it increases its pace

—————————————————-

Hit the break – it’s right there

—————————————————-

A foot drops, gravity

loose muscle, clumsy

—————————————————-

Steel upon steel squeals

—————————————————-

I fling forward, my glasses fly

Off my face

—————————————————-

The green mile underneath, no

more, no longer to be seen

—————————————————-

Steel upon steel collapses like

An accordion bellow compresses

—————————————————-

A low rumble, a shriek,

engine sparks; Satan’s gallows

—————————————————-

The stereo voices inaudible, full

vibration shakes the speaker

—————————————————-

My eyes settle on a star, six

points grow into eight

ten; it’s hard to follow

—————————————————-

the star stretches high

curving like the sun follows,

under, over a waterfall

—————————————————-

the window embraces,

the star with its long arms,

uneven, short jagged

legs, reaching

—————————————————-

the stars multiply, glass

bundles, connect

intersect with each other –

the smooth glass

become less, shrinks

—————————————————-

clusters crackle, squeeze

until no air left

—————————————————-

steel upon steel

crushing closer to my

friend, Melissa, sitting

knees pressing

—————————————————-

the star eyes

Melissa’s face

side-mirror bending

—————————————————-

We stop.

—————————————————-

ears engulf the sound

until nothing left

—————————————————-

Everyone alright?

————————————————

no answer

————————————————

We have to get out.

—————————————————-

moans and grumbles,

—————————————————-

Can you hand me my glasses,

On the dash?

Nothing.

Can someone hand me my

Glasses?

—————————————————-

Melissa reaches out, hands

them to me.

—————————————————-

I open my door –

I get out, my red

Converse shoes,

Still

—————————————————-

I walk around to Melissa’s door,

Steel upon steel folded in

—————————————————-

I go over to Stacy’s,

open her door,

Are you okay?

—————————————————-

her head hangs low, touching

her chest. She looks up,

head hit the steering

wheel, hard. Redness

puffing up

—————————————————-

I extend my hand, Stacy

takes mine

—————————————————-

Melissa looks up, the star

cut her forehead, but

she and the window held,

—————————————————-

we stumble to the green,

the green, the green under my

feet

—————————————————-

I sit away from the car –

A van sits in front of me

—————————————————-

I learn later:

Stacy looked down for a second,

yellow to red change.

More Than Words by Extreme,

All singing, then –

———————————————

She bumped the van, hit

the break, too late

She swerved, bounced,

inertia from the van

—————————————————-

yanked the steering wheel, hard

right, missed the traffic pole

by a margin,

—————————————————-

the green, the green that moved

fast underneath us. We swerved

into the ditch – on a major highway

—————————————————-

she froze, too young

too young for muscle memory,

her foot could not

find the brake

—————————————————-

The highway sign –

Far away but not

Far enough, crush.

Car totaled.

—————————————————-

Sixteen, she had her license for

two weeks, we have heard

it before

—————————————————-

Sirens – you can hear them,

you know them; light,

a cop, my mother,

—————————————————-

she hugs Stacy, the first time

I never saw her be more than

kurt or jagged.

—————————————————-

Stacy weeps –

—————————————————-

I sit on the hillside

in the ditch, my knees bent

towards me, I look down

Thank you, green.

—————————————————-

Every time I hear More Than Words,

I change it, quick, giving me space –

giving me space for

me to breathe.

—————————————————-

My goal is to have my memoir written best to my ability by 12/31/2021. I have to give myself a deadline. I will not be writing it all here. This is a web-log, blog, that will be a piece, a wholeness.

My goal is have my thesis written by 12/31. I have my thesis written down – the words came as I was driving. Now to write it – and write it well to move mountains. My goal is to go to a conference and present it – if good enough. I have to make it good enough.

—————————————————-

To walk through difficult spaces –

to collect the pieces even if they have space between them.

Try to make them fit better,

better than having shattered (or jagged?) edges.

Much love to you and you and you –