When I was 16 years old, Life said hello and never allowed me to say another.

My communications class assignment was to give a three minute speech on something I knew. Hard enough for a beginner, a shrug for the professional.

I had no idea what I knew, but I knew CF. I knew it fairly well to my sophomore standards of what I think I should know or not. I could pass seemingly knowing something.

I took to the task as with anything.

I compiled my facts, wrote precisely on my notecards; it had a start, a middle, and an end.

What is CF?
Who gets it?
How does one get it?
What is the life expectancy?
What developments are happening at that moment?
Onward.

My name was called. I proceeded to the front, although the class really didn’t have a front. It was more like the side, with desks surrounding you in three quarters of a circle. The teacher was nice enough, I thought, setting the stage to avoid the long walk to the front; to turn around and face eyes of the bored, skeptic, and fear in some if-not-most.

I had my notecards. I was focused with the task at hand. I was firm and deliberate.

My feet pointed towards the class, the teacher gave me a nod.

I began -gently.

The spring rising and falling.
The wind that keeps butting up against your knees,
Daring to push you off your feet.
The door slams,
Awaking you from your sleep.
The light wishing to guide you in the night,
Only to find a thick coat of fog
Making it hard to change the pattern of the pre-destined flight.

Then, the top that keeps spinning,
Opposing the clock that is reversing,
My voice that keeps shaking,
My three minutes ever churning,
Into five of non-fleeting.

Eight raising my heart’s beating,
Ten that does not stop receding,
And finally, twelve that smacks my landing.

It hits me –
With my tears that could not stop falling;
I need to leave this floor as fast as my feet can move me.

Right there, I had a breakdown.

Death winked its eye at me; Life stood there shaking its head at me,
and I had no idea what was happening.

Leaving class that day, no one wanted to talk to me and yet everyone wanted to talk to me.

My friends talked amongst themselves, and only two really came to speak to me.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know.”

It was right then and there that what I thought I knew, knew about, could talk about with great confidence, smacked me in the face and shook me right down in front of my peers.

I was like, “What-the-fuck” before “What-the-fuck” was.

That began a journey that I believe I was not ready for, but life said – “Yes you are.” The energy was set in motion and there was nothing I could do.

Funny, what we think we know, but we don’t – my eyes keep rolling.

So, as I have said before, maybe not here:

Knowing nothing,
Is better
Than knowing everything –
Because only, then
Can you truly enjoy anything.

And somewhere in that horrible and humiliating 12-minute speech, that to this day, I have no idea what I said; none except for what my trusty notecards were supposed to do – I opened up and fell right out.

Since then, I never believe I know anything more than perhaps I knew, or could know, or didn’t, or who the hell knows, because plain and potent Humility will smile right back at me. This time – could be in a much bigger classroom.

So right here, writing to you, is where I have been ever since.

With luck, I will stay forever more. Knowing absolutely nothing.