Keeping this short:

Yuck. I coughed up blood today; 10-12 Kleenexes worth. It was during yoga while we were doing some new breathing exercises (to me), compressing my lungs and expanding them wide. A cough erupted and poof!

I almost left but I had only been in class for maybe 15 minutes. I paid for the class, I was in the back, and I had props and it would have been obtrusive. Problem was I needed to cough. I did, but the pressure was quite pressing throughout.

This was ONLY time I didn’t have my vitamin K on me, which clots my blood, because I only had my yoga bag with a few things in it while planning on going home right after.

I made it through the class, although my focus was . . . scattered.

Coughing up blood is one of my least favorite things, along with having a bowel obstruction. I felt no pain though, felt fine physically.

Frustrating, the weather is a character in this episode. It is oppressive and in Minnesota they would have warned lung patients to stay inside as much as possible. They don’t warn you as much out here.

While driving home the blood kept coming. Disgusting and quite awful, I went home and took four pills of Vitamin K, and the blood clotted. Now I wait. See if it happens again; see if I am in real trouble, while trying not to cough hard.

I finished my last dose of oral antibiotic today. Not exactly what I want at the end of a dose. Usually I cough up blood, if it happens, then go on antibiotics. Or maybe this is the last of it. I have no idea at this point.

I have my appointment Tuesday morning. I guess I will see if I make it through the weekend. It is unclear if this is part of my original infection, the weather, a pulmonary embolism, they are all possible.

Then on the bright side, the trial that treats my mutation is in Phase II and is doing awesome. You have blood and then you have awesome and positive results – a rainbow. My doctor back home has repeatedly said to me over the years “You will see a cure. It just depends on the condition you are in at the time that will affect my longevity.” So, I have always strived, aimed to be at the TOP of my game. And let’s say if this amazing drug comes out in the next 2 years, a rough, rough estimate, and I am in the 90+ percentile, shit – I have done an amazing job.

But, none of this is left for me to decide or up to me – it is out of my hands – except when it is the right time to go to the hospital. My nurse back home told me that “Waiting too long, Tessa, and you could end up in a lot of trouble.”

There is such a delicate balance of waiting long enough, but not too soon.

The trouble is for me is that hospitals equal sickness and death to me. I surround myself with words and feelings such as health, goodness, optimism, strength and I have a hard time putting those words and feelings into the hospital setting. I know that is their goal, but in the meantime hospitals house the sick—a hospital is not a spa.

Just like Maria in The Sound of Music, “I have confidence!”