Once upon a time there was a girl and her massage treatment devices.

Stop. Brake.

Once upon a time there was a girl that was required to have her parent’s pound on her for several years of her life that took countless hours of her life – only to have this small wondrous, but old and clunky, medical massage percussor fall upon her lap at the age of 14.

She was told that this could replace her parents pounding on her, since the handheld device shook with such power that it made her cough. Her parents would still have to pound on her back, since she could not reach behind to use the device properly. But, this was one step closer to ultimate independence!

The vest would come in time, but her parents made too much money, but not enough, to get the new shiny vest that some CFers were fortunate to use. But, four years passed, being poor and not living at home any more, the vest was bestowed upon her at her doorstep at the age of 18 – to this day is one of the best days of her life.

Fast forward, even though quite thankful of her vest, it is quite cumbersome to travel with. So much so, it often creates a scene when the airlines say, “All that is medical equipment?” I stand. Stare. “Yes.”

To detour this event, I have found it is optimal to travel with an upgraded medical massage percussor, just like one from your local Brookstone, Bed Bath and Beyond, etc.

After arriving in London, then to the hotel, and plugging it into my converter to the wall, it shook vigorously and promptly died. I believe it short circuited. I checked it before I left home and it worked perfectly. And while no other devices had an issue, this one did. I tried to revive it several times, but knowing that “I can see this. My travel karma.” I did not get mad but merely accepted it.

Now, I could go back to the extreme retro form of treatment, but pounding on someone for 30 minutes is a skill one does not achieve overnight. Likewise, a drummer does not drum for a 2-hour show as a novice, as it takes years of building up to that muscles strength.

So, the internet and on-foot search began.

Walking into a vitamin, herbal store – “Would you happen to have a massage device that gets out knots?”

After a social worker head nod and a small smirk, “Nooo we don’t have that.”

“Would you happen to know anyone that would?”

A suggestion of a local pharmacy was made, some place down the street and to the right or left. I was pretty sure that the local pharmacy would not have such of a device.

No such popular American stores were in London. A grand search in Harrods was a brisk, but no such luck in their electronic device section.

“I know what we have to do. Shaking my head . . . every major city more than likely has one – an adult sex store.”

Sure enough – “Harmony” had great ratings and had a wide selection of pleasure devices.

The next morning’s mission was off to Harmony and then the British museum. I will say it took a little time to find Harmony – but then the pretty pink store front welcomed us, grandly.

I shot over to the massage devices. Upon looking around, these are some of the strangest looking devices, kind of right out of a sci-fi flick.

Trying to stay focused, the saleswoman walked up and was the up-most professional as I was trying out various massage vibrators against my lungs, testing for power and pressure.

Ultimately, I ended up getting a very large and powerful vibrator, the size of a large microphone, over a $100, in black, not pink. Then, the saleswoman gave me these free sex books that I could not refuse! I said, “I don’t need them.” Thinking, I don’t need them and I don’t want to carry them around all day. But, they were a must.

The vibrator came in the most gigantic box that she slipped into a black plastic bag. I said, “Thank you so much for your help” and we shot out of the pretty pink store and were off to the British museum.

I wanted to put the vibrator in my backpack for safekeeping, but the box was just too big. So, before going into the museum I went around the corner, away from other people, and broke open the box and tossed it, while I slid the vibrator into my backpack.

So – for the rest of the trip it was me and my new Doxy massage vibrator that is longer than my forearm.

This stuff you just cannot make up.

Ever in London and need such devices, I am sure the lovely Harmony people will be happy to show you all that you need and more.

http://www.harmonystore.co.uk/