I am sad.
I am angry.
I am in shock, and
I am in disbelief.
I am worried.
I am thankful.
I am disheartened.
I am worried.
I am tired.
I am exhausted.
I am weary.
I am angry.
I am really angry.
And then the anger swells into tears, and I am relieved for moments. The tears allow for intermittent openings for something else.
Moments of goodness wishing and wanting to and for everyone. I am worried for my friends and family and for people.
I used to have this repeating dream for many years while growing up, 5,6,7,8 on up.
I woke up in my dream, and I was on my stomach and the world was a deep black, oil black. Light taken away black. I laid there with gravel and dirt underneath me.
I lifted my head and all I could see was blackness except far, far away there was light glowing, lifting the blackness up away from the earth.
The blackness couldn’t live – didn’t have a chance because the light was stronger, bolder, brighter. The strength of ten earths, not this one black earth.
The only way for me to get there was to extend my arms and push myself up; bend my legs and lift myself up.
But I couldn’t. It was if there was a huge hand or force or weight that held me down close to the ground.
I had enough room to put my hands under me like I was going to do a push up but I couldn’t extend my arms more than that.
I laid there with my cheek touching the gravel in blackness.
Then from somewhere I bent my legs and straighten my arms.
I reached around behind me and grabbed the darkness and threw it.
I threw it fast and hard away from me. I picked myself up and walked one foot in front of the other to that light. The light of ten earths.
It was always there.
It is always there.
For years I had to learn and relearn to bend my legs and extend my arms. Reach behind and throw the blackness off my back.
It is tough. We forget. We are human.
The light is right here.
Love, love, love – and more love. Please take of you and everyone you know.
FYI – I never watched Star Wars until I was in my 20s. So it wasn’t that.