A couple weeks ago my father had three seizures. I guess my mom was calling 911 while he was having the third. He was hospitalized for four or five nights.

During the last 2-3 years, he has had 2-3 strokes. I have only heard very sketchy synopsis of these events.

They placed an internal monitor in my dad – a Watchman? I am not sure what this device is. I will have to ask a couple more friends. I believe a-fib has been ruled out a year or so ago; however, that is unclear. I knew he wore a cardiac monitor for a few days at one point.

They took his driver’s license away for at least 6-months. My dad used to leave the house for 3, 4, 5 hours often to work-out and do other things – and now he cannot. Either the doctor or my mother mentioned he was depressed and hopefully he was put on an anti-depressant. However, anti-depressants can be tricky as well.

I am asking for prayers and or good heartfelt thoughts for my dad.

I am also asking for strength for my brother and me. I at least have distance, my brother does not.

While my dad was in the hospital my mom told my brother that she would be extremely angry if he came to the hospital. She did not want him there. She would tell him to leave. And he is under her good graces.

One counselor told me that my mother’s approach and view of the world is like a dog barking and baring his teeth. In order to protect herself, she created a fortress, her house of things. She gave me clinical classifications of such behavior and why, as much as she could without actually seeing her as a patient.

The utmost important thing throughout my years that have been irritated to me is I, my brother, or anyone cannot make her happy. We cannot fix this. If you start to think you can – back away. 

I said to my friend Taryn that I question if I have the strength to deal with my mother and then my dad. You can’t get to my dad without going through my mom – it’s impossible. She throws daggers.

She replied:

“Your mother has to stand before God and he will ask her story what has she done to deserve to be in heaven. She will not be in paradise unless people pray for her. You have to forgive her and you will get the strength to deal with it. Say it over and over “I forgive you.”

Exhale. I shall repeat many times.

I hope my father has the strength and mental and physical endurance to take care of himself. He’s only turning 74.

I continue with my therapies, my exercises, cooking, and landscaping. I get to play with puppies and kittens later. Mary Poppins, Symphony number 9, I am excited for multitudes of things – onwards and upwards.

Karen – I really looking forward to diving into this writing project, although I know this is more of a marathon than a sprint, which I am better at anyway.

Much love.

Caffeine.

Sun.

Laughter.

Strength.

Compassion.

Repeat.