Keeping this short: Yuck. I coughed up blood today; 10-12 Kleenexes worth. It was during yoga while we were doing some new breathing exercises (to me), compressing my lungs and expanding them wide. A cough erupted and poof! I almost left but I had only been in class for maybe 15 minutes. I paid for […]
I think I have Turned a Corner
Sunday afternoon; gorgeous outside. Didn’t know if I wanted to write, but then thoughts came. I think I have turned a corner. Since my last post, granted could change anytime, but I am clear to say at this moment in time I haven’t coughed at night; my coughing has become less, less yucky, less explosive, […]
To Keep Flight
I am going to talk about the logistics of CF today. I didn’t even know if I wanted to write anything, but here I am. I have been doing 3 treatments a day. Each about 30 minutes. I have this awful choice to stop it whenever I want out. There are 6 time frames of […]
Less Bumps
I can never write a title until I have written the body of whatever I am writing. There are a lot of things floating around in my head, and I can’t seem to nail down what exactly I want to write about. First, I laid on my hands last night, trying to hide them from […]
Update
Update: The Sun is shining! So much so I am squinting as I am typing. The theme carries on. I am coughing ten times less than I was even a week ago. Yoga is stretching my spine upward. I woke up this morning coughing semi-violently, or at least until tears were streaming down my face […]
Bright means good.
Right now, I feel as if I am passing the wave of frustration. I know good music is such a part of this, and has been my whole life. Find that rhythm and keep going. And I love yoga. The concentration, the moment of breathing, and striving to manipulate your body into poses with strong, […]
Day #3
Day #3: The Fork Stripped, back to the basics. Shaking hands, walking the same pace, rhythm, breath. Here I am again. The last time I remember crying in my doctor’s office is when I was 14 years old, maybe 15. Different reasons, same everything. My pulmonary function scores (PFTs) went down again. Just staring, not […]
Words from the Past
Rereading, rethinking, this is some words I have written in the past. Perhaps some wisdom from my previous self I can gain, maybe not. One day a friend of mine asked me if cystic fibrosis made me feel if I was the walking dead. Quite taken back, I said, “No.” What in the hell does […]
Numbers
Last night I said to my partner, “I don’t want to go to my doctor’s appointment. I don’t want to care about the numbers. I want to live, I want to breathe, I want to exercise, go to work, do yoga, play with my dogs, eat, love. I don’t want to care about the numbers. […]
How to Get Rid of This Green Goop
What works? I don’t know what works. I have to create again. I have to think out of the box. I have to get rid of this green goop I keep coughing up. Shaking my head . . . Cystic Fibrosis. Something tied to my identity all my life. Words I have heard again and […]