I have been absent. Where have I been? I have been getting healthy, again.

Slowly the daily PT visits came to a stop. Two days before my last visit I basically said to Nancy the physical therapist: “So, I am scheduled until Wednesday the 29th, and she said, “Yes.” I said, “I feel great. Sheila pounded on me this weekend, she has been working on my apices, and I think I am all set.” Nancy, the physical therapist, readily agreed.

For the first 10 days, except the weekend, after being discharged from the hospital I had some sort of visitor. PT would arrive between 8:30 and 9:00 am, a bit early. I could have asked to be scheduled later in the day, because not only did I have to be awake, I would get up and do my treatment beforehand to loosen up any gunk while Sheila was up trying to time the dog walking in the morning with Nancy’s visit – not a lot of relaxation. But, the PT people plan their routes daily and they change often. Nancy had most of her clients in the South Shore. She looped up from Braintree did me and then went way down to Attleboro and surrounding areas for the rest of her day, having sometimes 7-8 clients a day. I mean what the heck am I doing? I am shooting up drugs my arm for the most part. I learned to take naps, or truthfully my eyelids began to fall without my say.

Then the Critical Care people came to take blood; one day twice because my PICC wasn’t giving blood anymore, so later on in the day another nurse came by and stuck me with an 18g – I’m pretty sure – for blood. That stung.

Then both PT and Critical Care forgot to have me sign discharge papers for them, so that was two separate stops, each time checking my vital signs and listening to my lungs.

What have I been doing? I have been returning to the life and luxury of real life. It is a good thing. Getting plenty of sleep. Through this whole process, besides being incredibly thankful each day and of course still am; I have missed sleep! I love sleep. I don’t care if people say “Do you want to sleep your life away?” My answer to them is, “How can I enjoy my life, see my life, if I don’t get enough sleep!” One time I slightly bumped someone in my car because I nodded off briefly. I was in stop-and-go traffic, no real damage, but I nodded off! That is scary. Number one reason I don’t commute. I will fall asleep. I am like a kid; put me in any position with humming and motion, and goodnight.

I love it, I really do. Nothing like laying horizontal, let all the blood flow easy, let your muscles relax, stretch, breathe, and come alive again.

Things that have changed:

-Scar tissue has sealed over my PICC hole. A reminder of what was. When the day came to get the catheter out I didn’t know if I would look or how it would feel. I did look – the curiosity was too much. When the catheter slid out of my arm, all 38cm of it or close to 15 inches, Charlene, the nurse, just twirled it around her finger again and again as it slid out of my arm. It didn’t hurt a bit. It bled less than if you got poked by a needle to give blood. Then, I was free! No more itchiness, burning, taking showers with a plastic bag sealed over the patch with more tape. It was not an orgasmic experience, let me tell you.

-Sheila pounds on me almost daily for 2 minutes front and back of my apices; sometimes on my sides.

-I don’t cough, or hardly at all. Like a normal person when dust blows in your face and you sneeze or cough. I looked at Sheila today and said, “Do you believe we got used to having several toilet paper rolls around our place?” One always in reach for some phlegm monster to explode out of my lungs.

-I put my massage/percussor device by me when I do my treatment. I let it vibrate me/massage me a couple times during my treatment.

-Next on the list: a stethoscope. I have always had an ear for hearing wheezes and crackles – they are very different – but not that I have been cleaned out, I want to heighten my hearing. I will become my own doctor yet. Sheila keeps saying, “You should have taken the one in your room.” I didn’t know it was something I wanted to have around. A new obsession has formed.

I have a renewed appreciation for everything. I always have had a deep appreciation for life. For what really matters and what doesn’t. The man-made stuff especially doesn’t, but it influences our spirituality and emotions severely, at times.

I said to Sheila the other night, as we are figuring out some financial blah; her losing her job two years ago, and how we are still striving for balance: “There isn’t a person who I would rather be with. We have spoken just about every day since we met almost eight years ago. This life stuff, man-made crap, doesn’t mean anything. Our relationship is as strong as it ever was.”

My breathing: clear, rhythmic, reminds me what is.

I said on my FB post the other day: “I want to thank my friends for not being afraid; for standing for what they believe in; for having a set; for having integrity – but never without kindness and compassion.” That is what matters. The trivial, the forgotten is just that.

Nothing else matters.