I haven’t written in a while; mostly because my brain has been too tired, unfocused, just haven’t had any words. Now some have come to mind.

The word that comes to mind is belching. I can’t stop belching. It makes me laugh, and it is a bit un-godly.

Last two days I have drank 3 liters of cranberry juice a day. Plus my normal water drinking and some coffee swoon in there, I can’t stop belching. There hasn’t been much room for food.

The reason being is that the drugs are taxing on my kidneys. My back has been in pain, an ache, a strain, tenderness, just uncomfortable. Then, I drink a couple glasses of cranberry juice and I feel better. You know what, beer is better, yet. The last couple nights after or during my last dose of drugs I have had a beer. Then, my back feels even better. The nurse drew my labs to check my creatine and BUN last Thursday and yesterday; I haven’t heard a thing; my kidneys are probably fine. They are definitely long-term, but acutely they are working overtime.

You will have to forgive me, I am doing my drugs now and last couple nights they have made me feel loopy. I don’t know, I am just so happy this is the last night. Thus, I am working harder at focusing. I would have written earlier, but no words. My schedule thus has been 6 am, 7am, 2pm, 6pm, 7pm, and 10pm. The time ranges from 30 minutes to an hour and a half. Obviously, there is some flexibility with the times, usually within the hour though. There have been so many drugs it is crazy.

Last dose!

Thankful: I am thankful for so many things. I am thankful for the ability of my body to go through this. I am thankful I wasn’t allergic to any of the drugs. I am thankful for my friends, my wife, my family for their support. I am thankful to set my mind straight when it wavered. I am thankful that my mind focused on the task at hand. It wasn’t focused on not how awful it is to be in the hospital; but damn-it I am going to BE better because that is me. Not this bullshit. I made it to almost 34 years with a serious condition, and this was the first time in the hospital for CF related stuff. I had a great run. I have continuous thankfulness.

Health: there isn’t a word like it. Seriously, without it, you have nothing. You may have love in your life, but without your health – you can’t express it or live it. I didn’t know how unwell I was until now. My cough is spectacular. It is so clear! I return to the clinic in 2 weeks with a repeat chest x-ray as well as a lung function test. I am sure there will be some residue bronchiectasis, but it has to be better. I am trying not to focus too much on my lung volume. I fully believe that my lungs will inflate and improve to a higher capacity in time, no matter what exactly it says come 2 weeks. The body has an amazing ability to recover, rejuvenate – have to give it time. I just need to be consistent with my treatments, as I always am, and give it time.

Fuck You: I say Fuck You to the individuals whom not only failed repeatedly to fix the situation, but who created it. Their lack of character – especially at their ages – is shameful. I have taken responsibility for my individual part, but it should have NEVER had gotten to the point that I am sitting here with IV drugs infusing into me. So I say END OF STORY and FUCK YOU. FUCK ALL OF YOU. Man that feels good.

And thankful for taking the time to read this. Life is good.