I have been wanting to write all day. I have notes written everywhere. My little inspiration notebook, notes in my phone, tiny pieces of paper – with no time to collect and form a full thought; a paragraph of thoughts.

It has been driving me nuts. The worst thing for me is to have words and thoughts and not able to flush them out.

Last night, I had so many words running through my head but I was too terribly tired to complete them. I needed to exercise in theory, and somehow I ended up exercising longer and more intensely then I set out to do. Somehow my body kicks in, jets off even when my mind can be so sleepy.

I used to run at 5am at the gym. People would ask me, “How can you run at 5am? Are you awake?”

“No. But my legs know what to do.”

Anything can be accomplished with a good set of tunes – perfecting the playlist is an art.

I stop.

I pause.

Clear the slate.

While driving home the other night, a clean and direct message came to me that has refocused my thinking to the upmost important once again. I am not ready to reveal the message and I am not trying to hold back, but some may not take it the way in which it was meant. I cannot elaborate what is so clear to me at this time. As soon as I got home, while in the car I wrote it down and dated it.

So, I say hello the next morning. Strive to be and live enlightened, centered, all encompassing, all welcoming to life. A tough bit of business.

I strive to deal, balance, like many of us do – and maybe get out of the house on time without spilling coffee and just say thank you for being alive. Appreciate the mundane because we can’t always live in the big moments.

Getting our feet dirty even muddy is a part of life. I am not perfect. I fuck up from time-to-time and need to reassess the importance in life.

The sun never asks for anything in return, nor should I. The tree grows in its roots and never let’s go, never cries out. Oxygen continues to give life; beautiful and simple, always. My heart continues to beat even when I am not awake.

Each hold their own strength.

Do I hold my own strength?

My future will not be easy. I am still alive. My fighting spirit, one that fights for life, not against death, constantly questions this. This is why I gravitate toward people that have the strength that one cannot hold. I read and listen to stories of strength – can this be done? Can I do this?

In my spirit, I question this daily. I am in preparation, trying to assemble my army of will that cannot ever falter, especially when my body calls out.

I want to share with you a blog from a fellow CFer – and I say today, I have nothing to complain about. No complaints just preparation with whole heartedness. Never turn my back, but only to gather.

https://www.cff.org/CF-Community-Blog/Posts/The-Pre-Wait-Waiting-Game/?hootPostID=24b081ddd6d2f99e407d017f4927a855

Works Cited:
Nagy, Dora. “The Pre-waiting Game.” Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. www.cff.org. September 14, 2015. https://www.cff.org/CF-Community-Blog/Posts/The-Pre-Wait-Waiting-Game/?hootPostID=24b081ddd6d2f99e407d017f4927a855